Hi lovelies, hope everyone has enjoyed their weekend! I’ve spent the weekend celebrating my nieces 1st birthday (Cuteeee). So my Sunday topic this week is quite a difficult one for me but I know there’s so many people out there struggling with anxiety and depression.
So lets start off, What is anxiety and depression?
They are both two different disorders but often people who struggle from depression get anxiety too.
Anxiety: Feeling of unease, worrying and fear. Linked to several conditions.
My anxiety caused panic attacks due to me having a fear of dying from illnesses. The symptoms I often used to get;
- Pounding heartbeat- I felt as though i was having a heart attack and my left arm often went numb and tingly.
- Feeling as though I was going to pass out, i often had to stand at the window to get air.
- Feeling sick
- Chest pains it felt like stabbing pains
- I felt as though I couldn’t breathe and like somebody was pushing my chest really hard.
- I felt as though I wasn’t here
Depression: Feeling unhappy or fed up for a long period of time.
There’s a lot of symptoms that comes with depression, not everyone gets the same ones. Everybody is different, I tend to get these;
- Low mood
- Low self-esteem
- Feeling tearful I cried at everything
- Feeling irritate
- No motivation
- Feeling anxious and getting panic attacks
- Lack of energy
- low sex drive
- disturbed sleep
- Avoiding contact with people who are close
- Having problems in my home or family life
I had no idea I had anxiety and depression until 5 month a go. I was going through a bit of a rough time, I had completely lost contact with a very close friend someone who was like a sister to me. It actually felt as though I had gone through a break up! A lot of family issues occurred within my household that caused me to feel low. I hadn’t noticed that I changed until people started asking me and questioning me.
Mainly my family, college teachers and partner had noticed. I’m usually really loud, bubbly and confident and during this period I had completely lost all of these. I snapped at those I loved and cared about for no particular reason especially my partner. I was moody, I cried at everything and just felt so upset all the time. When I was at college I wouldn’t talk, I got on with my work and didn’t have a laugh with people. I started to distance myself from everyone, I would stay in bedroom and just lay in bed all I wanted to do was sleep. I could have 10 hours sleep wake up and still want to carry on sleeping, I just felt so drained. I felt so lonely.
Me and my partner would constantly argue because of how I were with him and it got to the point where I knew I needed to get help because if not I would lose him. One night I went out drinking in Leeds with my friend who lived near there and I got that drunk I didn’t know what I was doing. This was because I thought getting drunk kinda numbed out my emotions. Me and her argued and I walked off, my phone was dead, I had no money and was stranded out in Leeds. I had to get the police to help me! The next day I went out on a family meal and I just broke down and that’s when I realised I needed to get help.
At first I did feel ashamed and really stupid because of how I was acting. It was embarrassing. I went to talk to the doctor and broke down to him, he prescribed me some antidepressants and said I needed to arrange a meeting with a Councillor and that’s what i did. I felt ashamed that i had to take antidepressants to feel ‘happy’ again. A lot was going on in my home too so I thought moving out would help, so far it has.
My first step was to take the antidepressants. I have been given Fluoxetine. The first two weeks on this was horrendous, I couldn’t stop sweating, I was very moody, I had a really irritating headache that wouldn’t go, I felt sick, I was still very tired. Then after them two weeks, I felt nothing, I didn’t feel happy nor sad. Then within two months of taking them my confidence began to come back, I just felt so much better about myself. I didn’t sleep as much, I felt motivated to do things… I felt great! I still do. I mean I still have my odd down days, but everybody does.
My second step was to talk to somebody! This one is really important, I used to bottle everything I felt up. I would take on other people’s problems and try to help them instead of dealing with my own. So i would have my own problems and others peoples. I went and spoke to someone and just that one session felt great. Being able to open up to someone and tell them how I feeling without them telling me their problems (I hope that doesn’t sound too selfish). However, I am now currently on a years waiting list for a Councillor. I completely understand, some people’s problems are much worse.
My third step was to start a blog something I enjoy, I feel like I have a purpose now. I just wanted to feel myself again and get my personality back. I found that going to the gym helped a lot and drinking lots of water everyday. It made me feel healthier and more active and like I could do anything. My relationships with people have improved massively, especially my partners.
My final step is to eventually get of my tablets so i don’t feel like I’m having to rely on medication to make me feel myself again. Hopefully with the help of a councillor I can achieve this.
If you feel down and have panic attacks don’t bottle things up! Talk to somebody and get help, there’s nothing to be ashamed about. There’s so many people out there that struggle with it, unfortunately its a common thing. Many people keep it to themselves because they feel embarrassed and it eventually gets worse. There’s so much help out there!
Thank you so much for reading this post. If you feel like you need to talk to anybody I am here to listen to any questions or if you want to share you own story.